Looking over the last 2 weeks I don’t know whether its worth even writing about my 1st week or so in Borneo. It really was pretty awful: the men got even worse; I was the only “westerner” in every town as I travelled up the coast to Sibu, up-river to Kapit and then to Bintulu. In Sibu I resorted to drinking 2 cans of beer before I went to bed in hope of falling asleep more quickly; in Kapit I couldn’t find beer (so had to face the bed bugs sober with my trusty swiss army knife in case someone decided to come though the cardboard door to my room); and in Bintulu I had to find a hospital that was open on a Saturday to get antibiotics for a bad throat (initialy no one wanted to treat me for fear of contracting H1N1). Generally the thing to do in southern Borneo is to visit a longhouse where the “local people” live, but that’s not really my thing, so in all those places I just wandered around trying to talk to people at markets. Every single person I spoke to asked me if I was travelling alone and were shocked when I answered yes: “but is it safe?” (which of course made me very uncomfortable). They would then ask me why I was in their town which I thought was a very good question that I didn’t have an answer to.

Fresh goods at Sibu market

The grump from Thailand set back in on my first day in Kuching. Slick and cool Singapore seemed centuries away in my first afternoon at the bottom bit of Malaysian Borneo. Barclaycard wouldn’t give me money and then insisted I speak to everyone in their call centre in Delhi; my toe had become infected from a cut in Singapore; and catcalls from every 2nd man I walked past made me feel like I was walking around naked, selling pornography.

Feeling less scowly thenext morning, I had a wander around the town and ate far too much food (I am going to get really fat, and scurvy at this rate – can’t find any meals with vegetables that don’t involve a lot of oil). In the evening as I was taking a photo of the sun setting over the river, I heard the customary “hellowhereyoufrom?”, and started chatting to Zul, a guy living in KL and who was here visiting his family. He seemed harmless so I let him buy me dinner while he drank A LOT of beer (no food – he was on diet apparently). As he got more and more drunk he told me about his dysfunctional family then he started to cry. (That’s 2 random men crying on me in less than 3 weeks…) He perked up after a while and told me that he was very musical; I would fall in love with him if he sang for me. “Erm, oh… Right.” He then started singing Coldplay and Cat Stevens in a very high-pitched, squeal, in the restaurant / hawker centre. But not just 1 or 2 lines: he tried to sing 2 whole songs, and as he got all the words completely muddled up I focused very hard on my mee goreng, half hoping he would carry on, half hoping he would stop.

Spent the most part of the following day in Bako National Park, first walking through the jungle with a slow-walking, sweaty German man, and then managed to trade him in for a very smelly French guy (I had to walk downwind of him). Saw some Probiscus monkeys, a bearded pig and a monitor lizard, but walking through the jungle was enough – really beautiful. And no leeches! Hooray!

Had a late lunch back in Kuching and made friends with 2 little kids. I asked their names: “Abi See” and “Wantoo Ree”. Aah, what nice names, I thought. Until I heard 2 little voices from under the table shouting “Abi See, d, e, f, g, h, r, x, z!!” and “Wantoo Ree 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!!”. Oh well.

Abi See & Wantoo Ree

So. Phuket wasn’t made to be my friend. All sorts of obvious double entendres involving its name. I had decided to make the best of a crummy situation and see “the sights” (ha!), when what I actually ended up doing was wandering around Phuket Provincial Prison without realising it (I thought all those nice men had come back from football practice or something – why else would they all wear the same t-shirt and walk in single file? Must have a strict coach…). Walked around the town a few times, and spent hours in an internet cafe with teenage boys playing noisy violent computer games. TV in the evening was entertaining: it seems Thais have a Britain’s Got Talent equivalent, but exclusively for mime artists. Makes very good tv. (Admittedly only after a few Singhas). The skit that will remain with me was 6 men dressed up as a giant mop…

So after Thailand ended so dismally, Singapore’s been a dream: everything works; it seems insects are illegal here; and no one has harassed me to buy anything / get in a taxi.

I’m staying on the south of the island, in a b&b in the penthouse of a high-rise building. Sounds odd, but works well and has stunning views. After plonking my bags down yesterday I had a wander around Chinatown and then went off to meet Joe’s friend Tim and his friends at a bar near the Merlion – it was good to have a chat with people normally, and not be a tourist!

Bit of a late night, and woke up this morning feeling a bit woolly (aaah, so long since my last hangover, almost makes me feel nostalgic), but slipped my walking shoes on and walked ALL OVER Singapore. Ok, not all over, but just the interesting bits. Although after today, I get the feeling that even though Singapore is pretty and clean and easy, its really weird how everything is so perfect… and a little sterile. Its like a 1:1 scale version of a model city.

I’m sure I will be hankering after it though in a couple of days: Borneo tomorrow!

Up early and full of excitement to get the bus to Krabi. this was the one place I was so excited to go to of all the places in SE Asia – I was going to do rock climbing and stay out there for about a month, soaking up the atmosphere and just being cool, man.

Note the past tense.

Got the bus and chatted to an English guy, Mark, fresh out of uni. We stuck together and got the boat to Ton Sai in Railay in the rain, thinking it was probably just a freak storm. I knew there were people who had just left and said the weather was amazing and so hot. Hmmm. the long and short of it that Ton Sai was deserted: a little village that could accommodate about 600 people had Mark, me, two other English girls and a crackpot called Pete (when Mark and I were frantically asking about getting out of Ton Sai, while the waves were crashing against the window, he helpfully piped up that he had been there for 2 months). There was absolutely nothing to do. Sampled the local weed and had a bad time of it (way too strong for grandma), so fell asleep thinking someone was walking about outside my room when it was just the rain.

Up early the next day to get out of there. But the only way to get out of Railay is by boat and in this monsoon weather the wind and rain makes it tricky. Ah! I was going to have Pete as company until the high season – would I go completely mad like him? As I was working out what I would do on Railay till October to avoid Pete, Mark  knocked on my door and said he had found a boat to take us to Krabi Town. Packed VERY quickly and left horrid Railay, with every intention to go back in November (Matthew, I hold you to your promise!).

Mark and I travelled to Phuket together, my intention to go to Indonesia / Malaysia. Wandered off to watch some Thai boxing (which wasn’t on, so munched on a strange donut with a sausage in the middle) and settled down to some internet time.

And to check my bank balance.

Which was when I realised I don’t have my debit card with me. Gone! Which is… *rubbish* and after spending over GBP100 on phone calls I have vowed to change banks when I get home.

And so here I am, stuck in Phuket till Friday when I go to Singapore and start a Borneo adventure.

Wet Ton Sai, Railay

I have learnt several valuable lessons over the past few days. First of which is that a rain forest is called such for a reason. Hmmm…

After arriving off the boat from Ko Phangan at Suri Thani I was shepherded onto 5 different buses / coaches / vans and eventually got to Khao Sok National Park at about 2:30. Wandered around the village for a bit feeling more and more despondent about the accommodation available (its now low season / monsoon season) and eventually settled on a place that would have been quite nice about 10 years ago. Anyway, it had the least ants’ nests in the room of the places in my budget, and no sign of a cockroach anywhere. Had a bit of a snoop around, but the place has a weird Texas-Chainsaw-Massacre feel to it and after a pizza to cheer me up I scuttled off to bed, hoping to fall asleep quickly.

Don’t get me wrong, its very pretty and the next morning I resolved to do some proper exploring. As soon as I left the ant and aphid nest I was staying in, it started to POUR with rain. I can’t remember the last time I was ever that wet – so wet that my hands turned wrinkly like when you’ve been in the bath for 3 hours! It was a little tricky going along the path to get to the waterfalls, but I managed to stay vertical the whole time, until I got to a dry bit and fell over of course. It turns out that the waterfalls are actually closed from 1st June, so that was fruitless. I sat and chatted with a Dutch couple for 2 hours or so and then made my way back, noticing i had 4 leeches and a worm wiggling around under my skin. I managed to get it out, but I took it as an omen that rain forests and I do not get on, so I booked a ticket to Krabi for the next morning for some sun and relaxing. Aaah, haven’t had quite enough of that!

bamboo in khao sok

After the “exciting” events of the last few days, I was quite pleased to take things slowly for the next few days. Met up with Tobi and Anna for some kayaking, which was fun (although would have been more so if the kayak had some sort of motor attached to it). Kept getting the giggles after meeting the most ludicrous Thai business man, and swallowed about 2 pints of sea water. Had an uneventful evening, thank goodness.

Early next morning, BACK to Ko Phangan for the 3rd time! Very bad planning on my part, but at least I felt confident when walking off the pier: I knew the routine, I knew where I was going – outta my way! I rented a bike and zipped over to the north of the island, to Ao Chaloklum, found a nice little bungalow on the beach and did some exploring, which was much easier than on Ko Tao as the roads are tarred. Tourism in Ko Phngan seems limited to partying, so going to the main wat and the waterfalls was quite serene (bearing in mind that the waterfall had no water…). At the end of the day I found a trendy little bar on the beach playing bizarre music (drum and bass Vanilla Ice, sung by a Thai?). Had a few mojitos and wobbled back to the bungalow to collapse.

The next 2 days I lazed about the island, finding 3m-long lizards whizzing across the road, buying a cheap lunch in tesco (never did I think I would be so pleased!), and cool night market in Thong Sala (squid bbq). Took a day trip to An Thong Marine National Park which was pretty, but somehow didn’t hit the spot for me. Oh, and had a proper bike accident. Legs look terrible: covered in scratches, mosquito bites and scrapes from run-ins with coral and rocks.

Monk at Wat Khao Tham

What an interesting past few days…

Saturday, the day before the Full Moon party on Ko Phangan, I tookit easy, finished a book and went up to visit that guy with his nasty monkey that bit me. When I arrived he came rushing out to greet me very enthusiastically. I found out his name was Jim (or Cheeem?). I stayed for a bit and he told me about his friend Peter-from-Austria who had stayed with him for a month in his little shack. Magically, just then Peter-from-Austria arrived and I was told I was to stay for dinner, which Jim didn’t want me to pay for, and Jim read me my horoscope and told me which girls he thought were pretty in a magazine. I lingered a little longer after the food but soon decided to leave as Peter was a bit weird and quiet, shouting “fuck!” every now and again (he had come with electric cable and light bulbs to illuminate Jim and his friends)..

The next morning I woke up early and made my way down to the pier to catch my boat to Ko Phangan. I had arranged to meet up with Ruth (one of the 4-in-one-room girls) and the nice German couple, Anna and Tobi who I had met the day Jim’s monkey bit me. Anna and Tobi were coming over later in the day and I had no idea where Ruth was, so I settled down in the Lazy House to watch films and pass time before going onto the beach. Met a guy called Emmanuel just before Tobi and Anna arrived (gave up on Ruth, we lost each other somehow) and we all went down to the beach. The night kind of went by uneventfully – it reminded me of a very drunken house party when I was a teenager, with more loud music and glowy paint. Anna and Tobi left to catch the 5am boat and I wandered around, trying not to be bored and resolving that when the next person asked me how old I was I was going to tell them 20: I felt like an undercover grown-up. Found a spot on the beach next to a young man who had passed out and was shivering uncontrollably (although it was baking hot already), and watched the sun rise. Well caught glimpses of it anyway: people throwing up, weeing in the sea and falling on the ground sometimes got in the way. It was like a war zone, but vaguely amusing.

Finally got the 8:30am boat back, went back to the bungalow, had a swim in the sea to get rid of the orange glowy paint stuff and did some washing. Still hadn’t slept, but tried to put that off till the evening. Went into town and then decided to visit Jim and pay for a beer I had forgotten to pay for on Saturday. Jim wasn’t there but surly Peter-from-Austria was and looked terribly excited to see me. A bit of a change, but thought nothing of it, and listened as he rambled on about the history of heavy and black metal and the different types of drugs he had taken (everything, it seemed). Interspersed with my education he kept telling me that he wanted to tell me something about “the people here”, but wouldn’t say what, but would write it down and burn it. He was so out of it he kept forgetting and I was getting a little annoyed, so didn’t remind him. It came out that he had taken Crystal Meth earlier on (did I want some?) which would explain the rabbitting on, so didn’t think too much of it all. It was getting quite dark by this stage and I was practically in the middle of nowhere, so got the chatterbox to take me to the toilet before going back to where I was staying (I still had not slept, 35 hours). As I was coming out of the loo he told me that the guys he was staying with were part of the Ko Tao mafia and they all slept with 9mm pistols under their pillows, Jim was addicted to crystal meth and had 2 people killed a year or so ago. Jim was supposed to be some kind of powerful man on Ko Tao. Peter looked absolutely terrified, but at this stage I still thought it was the crystal talking, so didn’t think too much of it.

Walking back to the hut to get my bag I saw that I sparkly new 4×4 had just arrived and 2 guys wearing sunglasses (it was pitch dark at this stage) were getting out of the car with what looked like rifles. Holy crap! Jim arrived, greeting me less enthusiastically than last time, and I decided I REALLY had to go. Men kept walking in and out of the jungle and loud bangs were going off (it turned out the rifles were “just for shooting squirrels”,,,). Peter looked desperately at me and said he wanted to go for a walk and tell me something about his ex. Er, I said I really had to sleep and had to go home – I would come back tomorrow. He looked like he was about to burst into tears, so I gave in. He told me how he found out last week that his girlfriend was a Thai prostitute and he wanted to take her back to Austria, but her pimp found out and came to Jim’s hut to have it out with him. Jim found out and there was a bit of a shouting and guns waved around. Peter says he is now too scared to go back into town and bought a knife the day after, which he showed me. Brilliant! Just what I wanted to see in the middle of the night in the jungle with some crazy Austrian on crystal meth. He sat down in the road and started crying (which I was quite relieved about – better than attacking me) and I told him in my most cheerful voice that it was all going to be ok, but I was REALLY tired and had to go to sleep. Now. Immediately. I would come back tomorrow. As we came back to the hut area Jim was there shouting at the 2 sunglasses guys with a black thing in his hand. I didn’t stay long enough to find out whether it had come from under his pillow, or someone else’s.

I drove back so fast I fell over (will have to pay an enormous amount for the scratches, when I return the bike, I’m sure), ate dinner and ran to bed, turning off the light and not daring to turn the fan on – I was convinced they were going to come after me. Managed to doze off, to wake up at to my phone ringing. I didn’t recognise the number and in my half-asleep paranoid state I was convinced that it was them, trying to work out which bungalow I was staying by phoning me. (Completely stupid and unfounded fear – they didn’t have my number, and anyway, why would they be after me?). Turned out it was Ingrid, phoning to see if I was ok, but I still didn’t get much sleep after that: it was very hot, with the fan off and the gecko/lizard things were banging around so loudly I was convinced it was Jim and his mates, come to take me away and sell me into prostitution to pay for his crystal meth addicition. In the light of day it all sounds amusing, but last night was awful (I even slept with my swiss army knife next to me).

Anwyay, I’m back in town this morning, going to meet up with Anna and Tobi, go kayaking and do normal touristy things. This whole “getting to know the locals” concept isn’t all that much fun ater all.

Jim's hut

The last few days have been pure bliss – after checking out of the hut with the 3 other girls (it worked out at L1.24 a night), I hired a much cooler bike that wasn’t pink and actually started when required. Had another whizz over the island and found a whale skeleton (the main tourist attraction on K, it was more like a big tuna skeleton). Midway through my explore I found a beautiful hotel/resort thingy with an infinity pool and pretending I was living in style, had lunch there, munching to the dulcit tones of Michael Bolton singing White Christmas and Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head.

The rest of the day, and days since, have been pretty uneventful: a lot of reading; washing clothes (there’s always a first – it makes your hands really soft); chasing away monster lizard things that make a horrid clacking noise at night; waking up to rooster/pheasant mongrel making a noise like its batteries were running low.

The family who run the restaurant are starting to get to know me too – I’m staying longer than most people – and Some More (ok, spelling is probably not quite accurate, but that’s how she says it), the granddaughter of the owner is really sweet and knows that I have fruit salad every day for breakfast.

I’ve been coming into town most days (to try to pay my electricity bill of all things, and battle with pay phones), but its always so nice to go back to Hin Wong and catch up with the German guy Ole who is staying there too, as well as the Finnish couple and a few others. In a few days I will be ready for another razzle, but for now I’m just enjoying the peace.

Finishing my book this morning on my balcony

(ok, I’ll stop with the cheesey rhyming subject titles, but that one was too temptingly obvious)

Have spent the last 5 days on the most beautiful island of Ko Tao, just north of Ko Phangan. I’ve met so many lovely people (all about half my age – kids on their gap year before they start uni…), but its been really good fun so far. I was planning on spending about 3 nights here, but I think its going to be more like 2 weeks…

Jodie and I got the ferry over together – she was keen on diving and the weather was so rubbish in Ko Phangan(and I was promised it would stay rainy for another 3 days), so I decided to go with her. Of course when I woke up in the morning, it was the most blisteringly hot day with not a cloud in the sky. Ah well.

On the ferry we met a Canadian girl called Maaike and we agreed to find accommodation together. Hmm- we are all on very different budgets… but: this is the new me so I didn’t make any noise when the two of them agreed to take a hut with no hot water and just mattresses on the floor. Well for 2 quid a night I can hardly complain! Had a wander around town during the day and flopped down to watch a movie and fire twirlers on the beach. (they must have given some guy a few ideas because he managed to set Jodie’s bag on fire. This was very late and he could hardly stand from too many buckets of alcohol lethal stuff)

The next day (29th- whatever day that was – I have no idea any more) was pretty uneventful, but we met up with Paul and Kerry-Anne who had come over from Ko Phangan the day before us. Such lovely lovely people – they’re here on holiday and so on a slightly more “fun” budget than Jodie and I so they invited us to join them the next day on a long tail boat they had hired to go around the island.

Up ridiculously early the next day (ok, well 9:30 IS early if you have been getting out of bed / off the mattress at noon every day) to meet Paul at the pier with the long tail. Went to a bautiful tiny island called Nang Yuang, Mango Bay and Hin Wong Bay. Saw some very cool fish, some not so cool: there are some very aggressive nasty bitey fish that suck really hard on your legs if you stay still for too long. Piranhas in Thailand? The last bay, Hin Wong was just desolate, with no one else around, just a few fishing boats. Really magical. Once we got dropped th boat back off, we went back to Paul an Kerry-Anne’s room (aah, to be here on pounds/euros and on holiday…) and then took them out for dinner to say thanks. More fire and singhas on the beach, although no one actually was set on fire this night. Maaike’s friend Ruth arrived and stayed with us too so there were now 4 of us sleeping in a 2 bed room. (pregnant pause)

Yesterday I took off on my own to do a bit of exploring. I reckoned I needed to do a bit of exercise after all the delicious food I’ve been gobbling, so chose a mountain bike. As I was walking to the bike rental place I did notice that no one rents bikes around here – everyone rents scooters. How lazy! I thought. Well an hour later, with sweat squirting from every pour and gaspingfor breath I took the bike back and swapped it for a scooter. Sadly the only one they had was bright pink with a basket in front. VERY uncool. Especially if you are also the only person on the whole island who wears a helmet (I am definately not a good scooter driver). After almost crashing into every stationary object in my path I got out of the town area and went up the mountain to find Mango Bay. On the way I passed a completely random little “refreshment stand” on the side of the road. They all waved and called out to me (how friendly) and I shouted “sawadee kah!” back to them. About 200m down the very steep hill to the bay, I realised that they must have been calling to me to stop and not go further (the pink bike, basket and helmet probably gave it away that I was not a competent driver), so I turned around an stopped there for a coke. There was a very cute little monkey that I made friends with, until I tried to open my bag and it went completely beserk and bit me! Quite hard, the little bastard! His teeth had been filed down, so it didn’t break the skin, but I will not be making friends with monkeys anymore. Lesson learnt!

Met up with a German couple, Anna and Tobi who had taken their quad bike down the same road and got stuck and after a nice chat with the people who ran the shop, we went off to Hin Wong bay together where we spent the day snorkelling and lying in the sun. It was even more beautiful than I had remembered it from yesterday and so I am going to go off and stay there tomorrow evening until… Sunday? Or perhaps longer? Who knows!

Came back to Sai Ree (the main town area where I’m staying) and met up wit Jodie to hold her hand while she got a bamboo tattoo on the back of her neck.

And then today I’ve really just been here, in the air conditioned www cafe next to a lovely open sewer (so typing as quickly as possible – forgive all the typos) and down at the pool, reading. I think it will be a tame night tonight (thank goodness), so probably a movie and some street food, then off to bed for an early start in the morning to Hin Wong Bay for some peace and quiet!

The road to Mango Bay!